prepared for the crash

seeing my mother so sick could easily provoke some very hard questions for me. i could ask god why. i could ask what she did to deserve it. i could get angry. i could lose hope. i could lose love. i could lose faith...

but my mind does not work like that. i recognize. i do not dare claim that i can or should understand why god 'allows' things like this to happen. im not even sure if 'allows' is the right word. how can i expect my fallible, mortal, limited intellect to even fathom the logic by which the lord works? it is not FOR me to know, so i do not ask.

instead, i pray. i pray for peace for my mother. i pray for comfort in her sickness. i pray for her strength. and i thank god. yes, that's right i thank Him...
for finally leading her to the right place where she can get the right care, i thank Him. for giving me strength enough to hear her and comfort her and take as much care of her as i can being so many miles away, i thank Him. for preparing me for this--and He did prepare me. last sunday, He gave me one of the most poignant, telling, glowing, healing moments in my life. He brought me closer to Him than i have ever been before. He gave me the confirmation that i needed to know that He blesses me to work in His name...and if it wasnt for that experience and the high it put in me, hearing of my mom's liver transplant could have crashed me so hard and so deep into the ground. it's like He saw the collision coming, so He tightened and fastened my safety belt to keep me from ripping through the windshield. thank you God. thank you for ALL the ways you sustain me. thank you for ALL the ways you deliver help to those who need it. thank you for giving me the role of comfortor to my mother and fortifying me so that i may take it on. thank you for leading my mother to the place she needs to be to find whatever healing there is to be had for her disease. i need ask for no more. you give me all i need before i can even utter the request. in the name of my blessed lord and savior i pray. amen